7 ridiculous things bloggers say


As a blogger – ie, someone who blogs on their blog – I know that, a lot of the time, this is a pretty cushy number. I get to work from home, in the comfort of my pyjamas (if I so choose). I get to write about what I want, when I want. I get brands reaching out to me to collaborate and sending me cosmetics / food / gym gear. I can spend an entire day on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and legitimately call it work. Don't get me wrong – there are tough sides to it too! Working for yourself isn't always easy, and when your job is online, you have to be always on, which can be mentally draining. Coming up with new content, taking photographs, always thinking about the best Instagram angle and the fact that readers and followers often pick up on the smallest, throwaway comments and take offence... it's tiring.

But it's not at all comparable to, say, being a surgeon, or a bin person, or working two jobs to support a family of three, or going back to college part-time while working full-time in order to achieve your dreams of being a physiotherapist... That sounds really tiring. And it feels like, a lot of the time, bloggers (#notallbloggers) just don't get it.

Y'know what I think? I think it's because they've grown up feeling entitled – to a lot of things, including, but not limited to, "internet fame" – and, in a lot of cases, they've never had a "regular" full-time job. And because of this, they say seriously, terribly, utterly ridiculous things. Such as...

People think fashion week is all parties and pretty dresses – but they have no idea!

Let's get one thing straight: fashion week is terrifying. But these things are all relative, right? And the person who's saying, "oh, you're so lucky you get to go to fashion week," is looking at it from the point of view of their nine-to-five office job where the closest they'll get to the Mulberry party is Christmas dinner at Fire on Dawson St (at the beginning of November, for budget reasons). So before you start complaining about your super-stressful job, take a deep breath and put it on context for whoever you're speaking to.

Sure, you can still give out – because we all have stressful parts to our  jobs – but don't act like they're talking crazy. (Also: if you want people to realise that you don't just go to parties in pretty dresses, bloggers could try adding some realism to their social media accounts – behind the scenes glimpses, sharing the stressful parts, explaining how it all works. In my experience, people really appreciate the human side; we're sick of seeing glossy, Insta-perfect pics, non-stop.)

I didn't even want it all; but, y'know, when you're in a hotel, you've gotta order a big breakfast for the 'gram

This is a very real thing, said by a very real person. Maybe it's just me, but I hate food waste, and to have my suspicions confirmed – that very slim, thigh-gapped bloggers will order food simply in order to photograph it – made me feel queasy. Plus, y'know, I would've eaten it!

As a blogger, I can only wear things once

Step up to the plate, Chiara Ferragni. You may be the world's biggest blogger but, I'm sorry, if Kate Middleton and Anna Wintour can repeat outfits, so can you. (In other words: get over yourself. See also: waste, sustainability, disgusting excessive consumption...)

I'm not under any obligation to disclose my collaborations; why should I?

This was a recent "overheard in" too. Basically, the ASAI guidelines – which state that online influencers and bloggers should be clear when they're being paid for a "collaboration" or endorsement – are just that: guidelines. And as I understand it, the only way they can be enforced is with the brands – so, say, if I hadn't disclosed that the competition I'd run with Lidl was an #ad, they'd go after Lidl to rap their knuckles.

How do I get on press lists?

This is such a ridiculously common question, you wouldn't even believe how often it gets asked – usually by newbie bloggers, who've put up five posts that nobody has read, and want to know why they're not getting sent the latest MAC launches. (Disclaimer: I have never been sent anything from MAC, so I'm not lording it over anyone.) Y'know how you get on press lists? Get yourself a big audience – PR companies will pay attention. That's it: simple.

race emoji

I've got a great tan (so I'm black now)

Could it be possible that some people just don't get why the multi-race emojis were developed? (Hint: it wasn't so you could go on your holliers to Marbs and then start using the black-girl emojis to illustrate just how tanned you are.)

I was just in Paris last week – that could've been me!

After the Bataclan attacks, there were so many fashion bloggers going on about how scary it was, because they were just there, for fashion week, and it could've been them! But it wasn't, honey bundle, it was someone else – a very real person, and the tragedy is no less tragic because you weren't there. (But, I know, it's all about you, right?) Special props to the Instagrammers who posted posed pics – with affiliate links – of themselves in Paris with the hashtag #PrayforParis. Classy.