Uncool trends I am SO over...


There's something about our current climate – blame social media, if you want (internet blame is mad trendy right now) – but it feels as if there are currently a lot of things you just can't get away from. And, y'know, some of them are good! Such as Beyoncé's Lemonade, the #Repealthe8th campaign, doughnuts... But others are not so good. Take the word "bae", for example, or cut-outs in otherwise lovely dresses... And it got me thinking about all the many, many trends, memes and ill-advised fashion choices that are driving me absolutely bonkers right now*.

Bare legs + breakfast on white sheets

Brunch in bed at @thenomosoho... can you guess which was my fave? ☕️🍝🍔🍅🍰

A photo posted by Sydne Summer I Sydne Style (@sydnesummer) on Jul 9, 2016 at 12:25pm PDT

What even is this? Every time I see someone on Instagram posting a pic of their hotel breakfast, perched on the bed beside their bare legs I think, what kind of psychopath puts messy breakfast foods on white sheets? What kind of weirdo opens the door to room service, then jumps back on top of the bed, plate in hand, strips down to their smalls and takes the perfect Instagram pic? Breakfast is not a prop, y'all.

YouTube make-up

How cool is this shade 'Frenchie' from @aboni_cosmetics ???⭐️ #jglam#j_make_up

A photo posted by Jelena Peric (@j_make_up) on Jul 3, 2016 at 8:55am PDT

Okay, so, to a certain extent, I get it – make-up can be fun, and YouTube has essentially given us thousands of free make-up tutorials that allow us to create incredible looks, with very little skill, from the comfort of our own homes. But – like so many other things in life – first, we should perhaps ask ourselves: is it necessary? If you're someone who just loves wearing make-up – shit tonnes of it, every single day – then more power to you. But this super-heavy, photoshoot-ready make-up is becoming the make-up norm, which is really odd, and slightly disconcerting. It really makes me wonder, is it making women more self-conscious, when they think that they need these layers of camouflage in order to go to work / school / the shops?

Dodgy jersey co-ords

A photo posted by LASULA BOUTIQUE (@lasulaboutique) on Jul 9, 2016 at 8:01am PDT

I think we can probably blame a certain very famous reality TV family for this one – in particular, young Kylie, who I also blame for the fact that lip fillers have increased in popularity by a staggering 120% in the last year (shame, Kylie, shame) – but jersey co-ords, especially in nude, tan or shades of grey, seem to have become incredibly ubiquitous. What's worse, no one's stopped to point out that they look a bit like the underwear I'd imagine astronauts wear under their outfits, and serve to do nothing but make you look entirely naked. (Yes, I'm 65. I'll just go retire now.)

Protein bars

@healthadviesbreda hebben jullie misschien ook nog een handleiding om van deze dingen af te blijven ?😅 #helleeeppp #eatthemallll #crazyeyes 😨#proteinbar #healthadviesbreda

A photo posted by Patty (@pattybossch) on Jul 10, 2016 at 4:53am PDT

One of the most frequently asked questions I get on Snapchat (come say hi @rosemarymaccabe so I can use you for content, too 😂 ) is about protein bars. "Is this protein bar healthy?" "Do you eat protein bars?" "Should I eat protein bars?" And I always say: y'know what, some are better than others – but that "better" is entirely subjective, and it 100% depends on what your food plan is, and what your goals are. If you're trying to lose weight, and not working out (which I wouldn't advise; working out makes losing weight much easier, and more fun!), then you don't need to eat protein bars. They've become oddly trendy now, so that we all think eating a protein bar is a whole lot "better" for you than eating some good old-fashioned chocolate, when really, they're both processed foodstuffs that contain sugar – or fake sugar – and give you an energy boost.

Do I eat them? Yes, but very occasionally; I mostly try to eat unpackaged, unprocessed food – if I'm having a "cheat", I go all out and have pizza or Eddie Rocket's, and if I'm craving something sweet or chocolatey, I make protein balls (or go to Sprout or Foodie and buy Nutshed's delicious peanut caramel squares). So I might scoff a protein bar once or twice a month; my fave is Fulfil's peanut and caramel, because it actually tastes like a treat, and not like flavoured sand! Highly recommended.


Choker Alert 👀 more to come soon ✨ #pourtoijewelry#jewelry#choker#wishbone#silver#love#summer#inspo

A photo posted by Contemporary Silver Jewelry (@pourtoijewelry) on Jul 11, 2016 at 2:49am PDT

I have never, ever, without exception, seen a person whose appearance has been improved by the addition of a choker. Sure, there are some very beautiful women who wear chokers – but then, they're just very beautiful women who appear to have had their heads removed and reattached, like cheap imitation Barbies with no taste. I, personally, have too wide a neck to ever have been able to wear chokers – they just make my neck look wider and shorter, which it does not need – and I am so glad that no photographs exist of me donning one. I just don't get it. Can someone explain to me why chokers are good? Pretty please?

What are the current trends that are getting your goat and leaving you cold? And if you're really, really into any or all of the above, please, don't take offence. The world would be dead boring if we all dressed and acted the same (and in a year or two, you'll realise I was right all along...)

* It continues to surprise to me that, despite my very vocal dislike of these things, people keep doing them – isn't anybody heeding my wisdoms?!